By Michael Adler
20%: That went by quick.
18%: How long will this take? How much can I type this time? I’m leaning on my side so I’m only using one hand. At least it’s my dominant left hand. The thing went red! It was black now it’s red. I wonder if I’ll ride it out to the end or if I’ll wuss out before then. I was going to say pussy but then I decided not to. It’s not really a bad word in that sense because it’s short for pusillanimous. I thought I heard my dad pull into the driveway, but I guess he didn’t.
17%: That went on a lot longer than I thought. I didn’t even get to write anything for 19 and now I got a whole paragraph in in 18. Life is just like that. Sometimes fair sometimes
16%: Now it’s really cutting out on me. I was going to talk about how I’ll be remembered. If this will be one of my known ones. Will kids learn about me in
15%: class or no? Will they be analyzing this to see if I actually wrote each stanza in real time? As that number in the top right of my screen goes down. Well, I’ll give you a hint, kids. Why else would I be doing this? I’m bored
14%: and my computer is about to die, so why not ride it out? Why not kill my computer? Why should I save it? I got
13%: I’ve had it since the sixth grade, so what was that? I was 12, now I’m 16, so four ish years ago. That’s a long time in this day and age, where I
12%: live to keep a computer for that long. It’s still chugging. I’m proud of it. But it dies really quickly. Probably because it’s spent so much of it’s life plugged into the cord plugged into the wall. It was so dependent on something else providing it energy that it never really learned how to function for a long time with
11%: Out it. How is this so meta? I love that. Meta. Meta meta meta World Peace. GreenPeace. Green Piece. Green Eggs and Ham was Dr Seuss’s most overrated. Oh the Places You’ll Go, too. Oh the Places You’ll Go to Hell Dr Seuss for your anti-Japanese sentiment and propaganda. I’m sure you hated Jews too. Everyone did in your day. I’m not sure though, and I don’t really want to look it up. Let the kids years from now who are analyzing this wonder why I didn’t look it up. After my computer dies
9%: Wow we just skipped right to 9. I feel like I’ve been cheated from my 19 percent and 10 percent. Come on Steve Jobs, RIP. There is now a low battery sign in the top right, right under the 9 percent. "Your Mac will sleep soon unless plugged into a power outlet." Aww
8%: It will sleep. It won’t die, just sleep. How sweet Steve Jobs. You always think of others. Unlike Dr. Seuss. I just got an email from my elementary school Hebrew teacher. She was tall and blonde and was obviously beautiful when she was younger, but now, or when I had her, she was
7%: I was going to plug this in before it actually got this low. I thought I was going to chicken out, but I have too much to say! Don’t die computer! I really like this poem, computer don’t die! You’ve been with me for so long. You don’t need the power cord, you are thousands of times
6%: Smarter than it. Come on, computer. Time is running out. But you can extend time. You can pause time. I literally just need to push a few buttons and you compute the uncomputable and you stop time. You allow me to write words I cannot write on paper. Alkdfna;skljewifjanksd. I love you computer, stay with me.
5%: I’m running out of things to say and my computer’s running out of time. I don’t know how to end this. I recently went to a show at the Orpheum where John Cleese did a Q&A, and he said about the infamous ending to Monty Python Holy Grail that they had no clue how to end that movie. Because the movie itself, the meat of it was so good, but the ending is so bad. How do you wrap up one of if not the funniest, most innovative movies of all time? You don’t. This poem is not that funny nor innovative. It will probably never be seen by anyone but myself and the russian
4%: hacker who has access to my emails and google drive and Cambridge Analytica. I actually don’t really know what went down with Cambridge Analytica. I mean, I know, but I heard about it/started paying attention a bit later than everyone else. I woke up to it after the point that people just assumed that everyone knew
3%: Because it was talked about so much. But whatever. So I know what happened but I can’t say that I knew it when it all came out. I’m walking six feet behind everyone else. Now my computer is starting to get slow it’s almost out of juice. Just kidding actually it was just one glitch.
2%: That changed quite perfectly in time. Great timing, computer. Great timing. I wonder if you’ll die after I finish a sentence or a thought or if you’ll just go black. Whenever you do die, try to be kind and mindful of what I’m writing. I want to impress the kids who read this, so even if I don’t really finish it after a sentence, at least make
1%: The last words meaningful and memorable. Unlike Monty Python. Make it like Steve Jobs’s last years. His biography being released the same time he died was genius. God really was on his side there. Maybe it was released because he died. I can’t remember. Dr. Seuss never really died. Kids always keep reading him. He lives on in his books. Ew that was so cliche. No, wait, I don’t want to end on that. Stay alive stay alive stay alive stay alive. Allen Ginsberg, Maya Angelou. Pablo Sandoval. Matt Cain. Tim Kaine. My computer just flashed black. I’m so scared. I’ll never let go, Jack.
0%: How is it still running. God? Is this you? Is this you giv